Abusive relationships 💔

Hiya guys , I’m back sorry I’ve not write in a while it’s been very busy and hectic but I’ll get to that later ❣️There’s one thing I’ve never wrote about on this blog I’m not honestly sure why , whether that’s because I’m not strong enough to write it , whether it’s because I don’t wanna bring back memories or whether it’s because I don’t wanna make myself  upset I’m honestly not sure but I’m at the lowest of low right now so I’m gonna write about it cause I can’t bring myself down right ?⚡️Yes , this post in going to be about past relationships or in particular one relationship …

Years back I started dating a boy let’s call him Jacob* , Jacob was 2 years older than me but was set back 2years in school because of him being in a juvenile prison . Being the fat , unconfident, person I was (am) I lavished the attention he showered me in ☺️Handwritten notes and present , walks home , dances , parties stolen kisses everything was great 💅🏻Or so it looked , you see in reality he was really a manipulative ,controlling unbalanced lad who could twist me around his finger 👁It started out as an argument on the way home where I would start standing up to him if I thought he was Wrong but that one day he pushed me into the road when a car was coming … I was shocked a person, I loved so much and promised to protect me… they  would do that to me , after a few hours in hospital and a strange thing rubbed into my cut leg I promised myself I would break up with him … only to return to an email saying how much he loves me ❣️He kissed my bruises better and promise to treat me right but I should of stopped then …People often say love is like a drug and Jacob certainly was addictive , things started getting out of hand , broken jaw , bruised eye ,cut cheek but below my body that was when things got bad , I’d cracked my collarbone my back was cut my chest was bruised and I stopped hospital visits because my old I walked into a door , started to be unbelievable….❣️People started sticking there noses in so I pushed them away ⚡️Putting on a confident mask I wear now 💍I could never , can never get over the fact I was in an abusive relationship at such a young innocent age and let him push me past boundaries I wasn’t comfortable with , in a relationship like that you can’t run away when he only lives a few streets down and you see him every morning , 💄Even now I’ll come into work or home or to my friends with bruises and cuts and friends beg to for me to tell them what’s wrong but you can’t you stay frozen in fear , not wanting to hurt them or say anything to hurt yourself 💔

I said at the beginning that writing this couldn’t make me feel worse but I was wrong like I am most things 😞The point I am trying to make though is if a friend, colleague family member is in an abusive relationship or you suspect please , please don’t force them into telling you … granted your doing it to help them but they are probally finding it Ten times harder than you are💔Please please do not push them and understand when they push you away they don’t need you to beg , get mad or cry they just need you there saying  I’m here when your ready ❣️If any of my friends are reading this I would just like to apologise I haven’t told anyone sooner and promise I’ll tell you everything in the fullness of time ❣️Thanks for reading love you all ❤

Logging out

Vienna🍁

*names changed

Getting yourself down by helping others 🔆

Hey Guys 👋Sorry about not posting in a while I’ve been busy (I’ll write another post about that later ) but I really need your advice ❤️So do you know one of them days where everyone else seems to be a little ray of pitch black ? 🖤Yep that show my life feels at the moment I’ve been trying to be really happy and help others but everyone just kinda feeds of that happiness for a couple of hours then goes back to the sad depressed mode again ~ and I don’t know what to do 🤘You see when I try and help other people by being happy it’s fine when that person is actually happy because although at the end I’m shattered I can see someone else that’s happy so it’s fine 👌But when I do this and no body cares and it doesn’t work 🙄I just feel like a waste of space and like my efforts are for nothing you know ?😒So is it worth trying to help other people up the ladder if as they go up they are pushing me down (that’s very metaphorical isn’t it🤗) but you get what I mean helping other people be happy if it’s making you upset and tired ….email me  at viennaautumn72@gmail.com ‼️I need some help ‼️

Trust✌️

Guess who’s back ❓Okay so I have a new challenge ☺️You see some things have happened lately that about a few months ago would of REALLY REALLY upset me 😔But as I said in the last post I’m a better person now and am only going to let  myself get upset by it for 1 night 🖤1 night only 😶But it got me thinking- what has everything that has ever upset me stem from…If you look past the argument cause and down into the roots (sorry for going all metaphorical on you here XD ) it’s from trust . Whether you’ve trusted someone and what they have done with that trust😔Now your probably are wondering what this has to do with my challenge ? But don’t worry I’m getting to it 😽You see I’ve always said whoever has the most arguments has the most stressful life and obviously no one wants to be stressed 😱 So if its people I trust that upset me and cause arguments – why do I still trust them ❓My challenge is the 3 strike challenge…this is how it works-😊

Strike 1: They abuse your trust once (once can be a mistake as long as they learn 👍)

Strike 2:They abuse your trust again😑 (starting to see a pattern ❓ This person could be a stressful person and if you are not necessary close ‼️DO NOT TRUST THEM ‼️ )

Strike 3 :They yet again abuse your trust 😒(nah sorry , they obviously aren’t worth it ☹️-They don’t deserve your trust babes -💋I’m sorry you cant trust them anymore.)

So that’s my challenge – don’t let people abuse my trust or 3 strikes and your out…😳This is going to be fun, ill keep you updated but let me tell you now – some people are on there🍍 VERY LAST CHANCE🍍Cough cough Pineapple (read other posts 😂)

Love you all Vi 🍁(ie.Felix😽❤️)

Just Sharpen your eyeliner 😻

Okayyy , guys I’m back ❤And I’m back for good don’t worry , but I’m back with a change – as you can see from the fashion update on this blog 😜Like it ? Right well I’m going to explain why I stopped the blog all that time back 😻I thought I couldn’t help other people because I was struggling but it’s really not … how I’m getting better is by helping people 🖤When life hits you , you need to not stop and give up like I did but fix your hair , sharpen your eyeliner , play Ed Sheeranand get on with it 🎵It may seem hard but I promise it’s worth it 🤞Shutting yourself away after pain doesn’t stop things from ever hurting , it stops it from getting better ❤Okay so I’m gonna talk about some changes , I started this blog anonymously under the pen name Vienna , but let me tell you a bit more about me ☺️I’m actually called Felix Heind and this pretty much Sums up me – I love Ed Sheeran , singing and want to change the world with a keyboard a mike and a guitar …❤I’m the kind of girl that will go to the gym for 3 hours then sit binge watching only fools and horses in my Harry Potter hoodie eating mini eggs 🤣It’s called balance 😆I want to help people with what they are going through , whatever that is 🤙So if you want to help me in my journey of helping others please share this blog Instagram , snapchat , Facebook , twitter … I don’t care just please share it and help me make a difference ‼️

 

Lots of love ❤️ stay strong 💪

 

Vienna 🍁(I.e.,Felix☺️)

Disorders

Heya guys -so I thought I’d write this because the other day I found out quite an alarming fact , nearly every teenage girl has had a symptom of some sort of disorder .😕Disorders stem from when someone thinks they are not good enough and acts on that – that means EVERY . SINGLE . GIRL has been unhappy with what they see in their  life … How ridiculous is that ? Surely that’s something society should recognise ? It was when I thought about that , that I headed to my faithful friends Pinterest to come up with some quotes ❤️

Apart from being inspired by what I saw I was DISGUSTED . PINTREST FAILED ME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE . What I saw was soppy quotes about getting stronger and weaping into your lovers arms . Well , guess what … news flash it’s not . Not . At. All.❗️

Sucicidal scars is not telling your boyfriends and him hugging you and telling you your beautiful ☺️It’s deep white scars that make you feel bad and scars that sting in the shower 💛In reality if I I told Fuckboy I cut my wrists he’d be quite scared .😑So you hide unrolled down blazers and a made makeup smile .

Anorexia isn’t a thin model shyly refusing a cupcake 🍬… it’s wearing massive hoodies so no one can see you malnourished body and constantly checking mirrors and thinking FAT 🍍Most days I don’t eat a proper meal weeks in a row … stopping for the occasional snack and feeling so guilty you force your fingers down my throat desperately making myself sick 😷

Disorders are not Love stories – they are horrible things that rule your life ❤️Internet please don’t start trying to make them into stories – they are VERY REAL . And if you know how I feel please email me ☺️I really do hope we can all stay strong in each other 💪

 

Vienna 🍁

F*ckboys

Hello💗Sorry I’ve not wrote in a while I’ve been busy 😴Okay so this post is dedicated to someone everyone knows …Fuckboys🙄You know the person I mean -everyone does-the ones that flirt with everyone , That have kissed pretty much all the girls …Basically absolute idiots -Got someone in mind when reading that …good so carry on 🤞

Remember how I wrote before about Pineapple 🍍 yes I have come to a revelation….HE IS A FUCKBOY .Yes , yes I know it’s a strong accusation to make but listen to my reasons

⚫️He follows me around like a bloody dog 🐶Trying to hold my hand

🔴He flirts with ALLOT OF PEOPLE (MOSTLY ME TBH 😁)

🔵All of my friends  say he likes me but I think different I think he’s just a flirty div (By the way if your reading this hiya👋🖕)

Comment below what I should do and whether you think he is or not ❤

 

Fears🙈

Hiya guys💗okay so this post is about ⬆️Fears ! Everyone has a fear , of spiders , heights , water…But i have a fear thats greater than just a fear…more of a phobia . I know it sounds stupid but my fear is being alone…And yesterday it got worse😳

So my fear starts out as a word , whether its in a conversation , a look or sometimes even just the tone of someone’s voice , they don’t mean to do it but it starts the alarm🚨In no time it progresses to my heart making it beat harder , faster … Then it’s my lungs turn , I can’t catch breath- I can’t even breath , everything’s closing in … the world starts spinning everything goes black , then only thing left is 1 word ‼️ALONE‼️Usually it’s only 5 minutes of torture ,and it’s always been when I’m on my own but yesterday it happened in front lf my whole science class😳And lasted for about 25 minutes…

At first nobody noticed , Emma was telling me about a conversation with her boyfriend when my hand started shaking , I thought nothing of it , but then I couldn’t catch breath and I already knew what was happening . I just prayed for it to be over soon but it wasn’t ❌not by a long way❌It got progressively worse during the conversation until I just couldn’t stop it …a The next 20 minutes I can’t even remember what happened , I just remember staring at a blank wall thing … Alone❗️Alone❗️Alone….Does anyone know what this is ? And how to help ? Or know anyone going through this … I need to find someone, someone I can explain to 😔

Positive thoughts 💡

Heya , so this post is inspired by a quote from one of my favourite Harry Potter books “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”Yes proffesser Dumbledor rules 💪And although the quote is from a book it can refer to real life if you only remember to think about I logically. Most things can be viewed in 2️⃣ ways . It depends on you frame of mind at that time for example … The negative might say I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m not pretty enough , thin enough etc.(which can I just say is a complete load of 💩 it doesn’t matter what you look like it’s what’s on the inside ) but somebody in a positive mindset might say – I don’t have a boyfriend because I’m learning to become my own individual person and need to love myself before I can love others . See how different the 2 views are … So my philosophy is that when things get hard 👎🏻Try to think of them from another view and they’ll seem better … Promise … And I NEVER EVER break a promise 😉

Vienna🍁

Friends❤️

Hey I’m back 👋🏻Sorry I’ve not posted in a while it’s been a long month . So a few people have contacted me about friends  and a very kind reader contacted me on the fact she really wants to be friends with a girl but isn’t sure how to approach her and whether she should change herself to get the girl to notice her.. well…I’ve wrote before about my best friend Emma and how much I trust her and love her to bits but I’ve never told you how we first met and how awkward it was (cause it’s me and my life is awkward, I’ve learnt ) It all started a couple of weeks after my first day in high school I had a completely different group of friends then and we were hanging out at the front of the school bus comparing instagram posts , flirting with boys and just generally having a good gossip . This is when a girl comes upstairs with bright pink owl headphones looking positively petrified and sat down near us . Bored as usual , we gathered around the girl and started talking and asking questions. She just glared at us and moved away-Not particularly friendly 🙄I get of at the last stop so once all my friends had gone it was just me , the headphone girl and an older boy at the back of the bus . The older boy to must have been bored and was eyeing us up , after deciding that the headphone girl looked the most easy to scare he came and sidled next to her making crude remarks about the way she dressed , the music she listened to , her phone … I was once the girl that had been picked on and laughed at , and the words clicked inside my head …Deciding that she wasn’t going to do anything I told him to leave of… he did (most to my surprise to be fair)and that was when our friendship clicked … looking up at me through a blonde fringe and calculating blue eyes she offered me a pink owl headphone and thanked me . This might not seem like much but that’s were our story began . So to the reader who was saying about her group of friends and wanting to be more approachable , don’t change yourself for anyone’s else just to be their friend , it may be the most awkward circumstances that a true friend shines through ✨Hope this helps xx

 

Vienna 🍁